House of Caravan is a first-person exploration video game heavily influenced by the gothic fiction of Edgar Allan Poe and classic horror films, and is based also on the Death in Candlewood universe.

A camel train or caravan is a series of camels carrying passengers and/or goods on a regular or semi-regular service between points. Although they rarely travelled faster than the walking speed of a person, camels' ability to withstand harsh conditions made them ideal for communication and trade in the desert areas of North Africa and the Arabian Peninsula for centuries. Camel trains were also used sparingly elsewhere around the globe. Since the early 20th century they have been largely replaced by motorized vehicles or air traffic.^[1]

Africa, Asia and the Middle East[edit]

By far the greatest use of camel trains occurs between North and West Africa by the Tuareg, Shuwa and Hassaniyya, as well as by culturally-affiliated groups like the Toubou, Hausa and Songhay. These camel trains conduct trade in and around the Sahara Desert and Sahel. Trains travel as far south as central Nigeria and northern Cameroon in the west, and northern Kenya in the east of the continent. In antiquity, the Arabian Peninsula was an important route for the trade with India and Abyssinia.

Camel trains have also long been used in portions of trans-Asian trade, including the Silk Road. As late as the early twentieth century, camel caravans played an important role connecting the Beijing/Shanxi region of eastern China with Mongolian centers (Urga, Uliastai, Kobdo) and Xinjiang. The routes went across Inner and/or Outer Mongolia. According to Owen Lattimore, who spent five months in 1926 crossing the northern edge of China (from Hohhot to Gucheng, via Inner Mongolia) with a camel caravan, demand for caravan trade was only increased by the arrival of foreign steamships into Chinese ports and the construction of the first railways in eastern China, as they improved access to the world market for such products of western China as wool.^[2][3]

Australia[edit]

In the English-speaking world the term 'camel train' often applies to Australia, notably the service that once connected a railhead at Oodnadatta in South Australia to Alice Springs in the center of the continent. The service ended when the train line was extended to Alice Springs in 1929; that train is called 'the Ghan', a shortened version of 'Afghan Express', and its logo is camel and rider, in honor of the 'Afghan cameleers' who pioneered the route.^[4]

North America[edit]

United States

The history of camel trains in the United States consists mainly of an experiment by the United States Army. On April 29, 1856, thirty-three camels and five drivers arrived at Indianola, Texas. While camels were suited to the job of transport in the American Southwest, the experiment failed. Their stubbornness and aggressiveness made them unpopular among soldiers, and they frightened horses. Many of the camels were sold to private owners, others escaped into the desert. These feral camels continued to be sighted through the early 20th century, with the last reported sighting in 1941 near Douglas, Texas.^[5]

British Columbia, Canada

Camels were used from 1862 to 1863 in British Columbia, Canada during the Cariboo Gold Rush.^[6]

Camel caravan organization[edit]

While organization of camel caravans varied over time and the territory traversed, Owen Lattimore's account of caravan life in northern China in the 1920s gives a good idea of what camel transport is like. In his Desert Road to Turkestan he describes mostly camel caravans run by Han Chinese and Hui firms from eastern China (Hohhot, Baotou) or Xinjiang (Qitai (then called Gucheng), Barkol), plying the routes connecting those two regions through the Gobi Desert by way of Inner (or, before Mongolia's independence, Outer) Mongolia. Before Outer Mongolia's effective independence of China (circa 1920) the same firms also ran caravans into Urga, Uliassutai, and other centers of Outer Mongolia, and to the Russian border at Kyakhta, but with the creation of an international border, those routes came into decline. Less important caravan routes served various other areas of northern China, such as most centers in today's Gansu, Ningxia, and northern Qinghai. Some of the oldest Hohhot-based caravan firms had a history dating to the early Qing Dynasty.^[2]

Camels[edit]

Caravans originating from both ends of the Hohhot-Gucheng route were composed of two-humped Bactrian camels, suitable for the climate on the area, although very occasionally one could see single-humped Dromedaries brought to this route by Uighur ('Turki', in Lattimore's parlance) caravan people from Hami^[8] A caravan would be normally composed of a number of files (Chinese: 连, lian), of up to 18 camels each. Each of the rank-and-file caravan men, known as the camel-pullers (Chinese: 拉骆驼的, la luotuo-de), was in charge of one such file. On the march, the camel-puller's job was to lead the first camel of his file by a rope tied to a peg attached to its nose, each of the other camels of the file being led by means of similar rope by the camel in front of it. Two files (lian) formed a ba, and the camel-pullers of the two files would help each other when loading cargo on the camels at the beginning of each day's march or unloading it when halted. To do their job properly camel-pullers had to be experts on camels: as Lattimore comments, 'because there is no good doctoring known for him [a camel] when he is sick, they must learn how to keep him well.' Taking care of camels' health included the ability to find the best available grazing for them and keeping them away from poisonous plants; knowledge of when one should not allow a camel to drink too much water; how to park camels for the night, allowing them to obtain the best possible shelter from wind-blown snow in winter; how to properly distribute the load to prevent it from hurting the animal; and how to treat minor injuries of the camels, such as blisters or pack-sores.^[9]

The loading of camels was described by Mildred Cable and Francesca French in their book Through Jade Gate and Central Asia (1927): «In the loading of a camel its grumblings commence as the first bale is placed on its back, and continue uninterruptedly until the load is equal to its strength, but as soon as it shows signs of being in excess, the grumbling ceases suddenly, and then the driver says: 'Enough! put no more on this beast!'»^[10]

Caravan people[edit]

A caravan could consist of 150 or so camels (8 or more files), with a camel-puller for each file. Besides the camel-pullers the caravan would also include a xiansheng (先生, literally, 'Sir', 'Mister') (typically, an older man with a long experience as a camel-puller, now playing the role of a general manager), one or two cooks, and the caravan master, whose authority over the caravan and its people was as absolute as that of a captain on a ship. If the owner of the caravan did not travel with the caravan himself, he would send along a supercargo--the person who will take care of the disposal of the freight upon arrival, but had no authority during the journey. The caravan could carry a number of paying passengers as well, who would alternate between riding on top of a camel load and walking.^[2]

Camel-pullers' salary was quite low (around 2 silver taels a month in 1926, which would not be enough even for shoes and clothing he wore out while walking with his camels), although they were also fed and provided with tent space at the caravan owner's expense. Those people worked not so much for the wages as for the benefit of carrying some cargo—half of a camel load, or a full load—of their own on the caravan's camels; when successfully sold at the destination, it would bring a handy profit. Unreal world. Even more importantly, if a camel-puller could afford to buy a camel or a few of his own, he was allowed to include them into his file, and to collect the carriage-money for the cargo (assigned by the caravan owner) that they would carry. Once the camel-puller got rich enough to own close to a full file of 18 camels, he could join the caravan not as an employee but as a kind of a partner—now instead of earning wages he would be paying money (around 20 taels per round-trip in 1926) to the owner of (the rest of) the caravan for the benefit of joining the caravan, sharing in the food, etc.^[2]

Diet[edit]

The caravan people's food was mostly based around oat and millet flour, with some animal fat. A sheep would be bought from the Mongols and slaughtered every now and then, and tea was the usual daily drink; as fresh vegetables were scarce, scurvy was a danger.^[2] Besides the paid cargo and the food and gear for the men, the camels would also carry a fair amount of fodder for themselves (typically, dried peas when going west, and barley when going east, those being the cheapest types of camel feed in Hohhot and Gucheng, respectively). It was estimated that, when leaving its point of origin, for every 100 loads of merchandise the caravan would carry around 30 loads of fodder. When that was not enough (especially in winter) more fodder could be bought (very expensively) from dealers who would come to the caravan route's popular stopping places from the populated areas of Gansu or Ningxia to the south.^[11]

Cargo[edit]

Typical cargo carried by the caravans were commodities such as wool, cotton fabrics, or tea, as well as miscellaneous manufactured goods for sale in Xinjiang and Mongolia. Opium was carried as well, typically by smaller, surreptitious, caravans, usually in winter (since in the hot weather opium would be too easily detected by the smell). More exotic loads could include jade from Khotan,^[12] elk antlers prized in Chinese medicine, or even dead bodies of the Shanxi caravan men and traders, who happened to die while in Xinjiang. In the latter case, the bodies had been first 'temporarily' buried in Gucheng in light-weight coffins, and when, after three or so years in the grave the flesh had been mostly 'consumed away', the merchant guild sent the bodies to the east by a special caravan. Due to the special nature of the load, higher freight rate was charged for such 'dead passengers'.^[13]

Speed[edit]

According to Lattimore's diary, caravan travel in Inner Mongolia did not always follow a regular schedule. Caravans traveled or camped at any time of day or night, depending on weather, local conditions, and the need for rest. Since the caravan traveled at the walking speed of the men, the distance made in a day (a 'stage') was usually between 10 and 25 mi (16 and 40 km), depending on road and weather conditions, and distances between water sources. On occasions several days were spent in a camp without going forward, due to bad weather. A one-way trip from Hohhot to Gucheng (1,550 to 1,650 mi or 2,490 to 2,660 km by Lattimore's reckoning^[14]) could take anything from three to eight months.^[15]

Smaller caravans owned by Mongols of the Alashan (the westernmost Inner Mongolia) and manned by Han Chinese from Zhenfan, were able to make longer marches (and, thus, cover longer distances faster) than the typical Han Chinese or Hui caravans, because the Mongols were able to always use 'fresh' camels (picked from their large herd for just a single journey), every man was provided with a camel to ride, and loads were much lighter than in the 'standard' caravans (rarely exceeding 270 pounds (122.5 kg). These caravans would typically travel by day, from sunrise to sunset.^[16] Such a camel train is described in the accounts of the journey made by Peter Fleming and Ella Maillart in the Gobi Desert in the mid-1930s.

Logistics[edit]

Inns called caravanserai were spread along the route of a long caravan journey. These roadside inns specialized in catering to travelers along established trade routes, such as the Silk Road and the Royal Road. Because such long trade routes often passed through inhospitable desert regions, journeys would be impossible to complete successfully and profitably without caravanserai to provide necessary supplies and assistance to merchants and travelers.

It was necessary for camels to spend at least two months between long journeys to recuperate, and the best time for that recuperation was in June–July, when camels shed their hair and the grazing is best. Therefore, the best practice was for a caravan to leave Hohhot in August, just after the grazing season; upon reaching Gucheng, weaker camels could stay there until the next summer by grazing whatever vegetation is available in winter, while the stronger ones, after a few weeks of recovery on a grain diet (grain being cheaper in Xinjiang than in eastern China), would be sent back in late winter/early spring, taking along plenty of grain for fodder, and returning to Hohhot before the next grazing season. Vice versa, one could leave Hohhot in the spring, spend the summer grazing season in Xinjiang, and come back in the late fall of the same year. Either way, it would be possible for the caravan people and their best camels to make a full round trip within a year. However, such perfect scheduling was not always possible, and it was often the case that a caravan sent out from Hohhot in August would end up staying on the other end of the route until and through the next grazing season, coming back to Hohhot about a year and a half after its departure.^[15]

Loss of camels; camel hair trade[edit]

On almost every journey quite a few camels in each caravan would be lost. On a particularly exhausting section of the trip, an animal already worn out by many weeks of walking, or accidentally poisoned by eating a poisonous plant, would kneel down and not rise anymore. Since killing a camel was considered bad karma by the caravan people, the hopeless animal—whose death, if it was owned by an individual camel-puller, would be a huge material loss for its owner—was simply left behind to die, 'thrown on the Gobi' as the camel men would say.^[17]

Since camels moult in the summer, camel owners received additional income from collecting several pounds of hair their animals dropped during the summer grazing (and shedding season); in northern China, the camel hair trade started around the 1880s. Later, caravan men learned the art of knitting and crocheting from the defeated White Russians (in exile in Xinjiang after the Russian Civil War) and the items they had made were transported to eastern China by camel caravan. Although the hair shed by the camels or picked from them was of course considered the property of the camel owners, caravan workers were entitled to make use of some hair for making knitwear for themselves (mostly socks) or for sale. Lattimore in 1926 observed camel-pullers 'knitting on the march; if they ran out of yarn, they would reach back to the first camel of the file they were leading, pluck a handful of hair from the neck, and roll it in their palms into the beginning of a length of yarn; a weight was attached to this, and given a twist to start it spinning, and the man went on feeding wool into the thread until he had spun enough yarn to continue his knitting'.^[18]

Cultural associations[edit]

'In The Desert' ('Верблюды', lit. = 'camels') is a 'traditional Russian' song, performed by Donald Swann. He provides an English-language translation after every line. The song is extremely repetitive ('Another camel is approaching'), rendering the translation largely redundant, 'a whole caravan of camels is approaching'.^[19]

Fritz Mühlenweg wrote a book called In geheimer Mission durch die Wüste Gobi (part one in English Big Tiger and Compass Mountain), published in 1950. It was later shortened and translated into English under the title Big Tiger and Christian; it concerns the adventures of two boys who cross the Gobi Desert.

See also[edit]

References[edit]

1. ^BBC: 'Dying trade of the Sahara camel train' (2006)
2. ^ ^abcdeLattimore, Owen [1928/9] The Desert Road to Turkestan. London, Methuen and Co; & various later editions. Caravan logistics and organization is discussed in Chap. VIII, 'Camel-Men All'; route maps are found inside the back cover.
3. ^Daily Mail: 'Tea merchants retrace Silk Road on camels' (2015)
4. ^'The Ghan; history'. Great Southern Rail. Archived from the original on 2 February 2012. Retrieved 18 February 2012.
5. ^Smithsonian: 'Whatever Happened to the Wild Camels of the West?'
6. ^Cabiroo.com: Camels
7. ^According to Lattimore (1928/9, p. 207), while pregnant female camels could travel as part of the caravan with a full load, any baby camel born in the desert would have to be abandoned, since, if the camel cow were to nurse the young one, she would become too thin for work.
8. ^Lattimore (1928/9), p. 151.
9. ^Lattimore (1928/9), pp. 108-115
10. ^Cable, M. & French, F. (1937) Through Jade Gate and Central Asia; 6th ed. London: Hodder & Stoughton; p. 21
11. ^Lattimore (1928/9), p. 74
12. ^Lattimore (1928/9), pp. 156-157.
13. ^Lattimore (1928/9), pp. 230-231
14. ^Lattimore (1928/9), p. 100
15. ^ ^abLattimore (1928-29), pp. 50-51.
16. ^Lattimore (1928/9), p. 168.
17. ^Lattimore (1928/9), p. 104.
18. ^Lattimore (1928/9), p. 52.
19. ^Flanders and Swann, 'At the Drop of Another Hat' (1964)
20. ^John Thomson: 'At certain seasons of the year, camels may be encountered in tens of thousands crossing the desert of Gobi, laden with brick tea, on their way to the Russian frontier. This brick tea, in the absence of metallic currency, forms the circulating medium in Mongolia, Siberia, and Thibet. When in the province of Peichihli I witnessed the departure of a train of 2,000 of these camels laden with brick tea to be sold in the Russian markets. These beasts are also employed in transporting coal, and other commodities, from one part of the province to another, and they are highly esteemed by the Mongols, as they can be easily managed, and can accomplish long journeys in arid regions with scant supplies of food and water. As many of my readers are aware, the camel is physically adapted for traversing the sandy plains of Asia, where they are found in the greatest numbers. The stomach is supplied with bladders which enable the animal to carry a store of fresh water, and in like manner the humps are furnished with a store of food in the shape of fatty matter which may be absorbed in case of need.'

Further reading[edit]

• Fleming, Peter (1936) News from Tartary: a journey from Peking to Kashmir. London: Jonathan Cape (Peter Fleming's account of his 1935 bid to travel the ancient trade route from China to India known as the 'Silk Road'.)
• Lattimore, Owen (1928) The Desert Road to Turkestan. London: Methuen & Co.
• Lattimore, Owen (1929) The Desert Road to Turkestan. Boston : Little, Brown, and Company
• Maillart, Ella (1936) Oasis interdites: de Pékin au Cachemire. Paris: Grasset
• Maillart, Ella (1937) Forbidden Journey: from Peking to Kashmir. London: Heinemann (trans. of Oasis interdites)
• Maillart, Ella (1942) Cruises & Caravans. London: Dent
• Michaud, Roland & Sabrina (1978) Caravans to Tartary. London: Thames and Hudson ISBN0-500-27359-6 (translated from the French 'Caravanes de Tartarie', du Chêne, 1977)
• Tolstoy, Alexandra (2003) The Last Secrets of the Silk Road: Four Girls Follow Marco Polo Across 5,000 Miles. London: Profile Books ISBN978-1-86197-379-5

Critikal (Usually stylized as, name, Charles White), born on August 2, 1994, is a game commentator on YouTube. He usually reviews old and relatively obscure games for the PC and along with indie and mainstream games, and most of his commentaries only last for one video. He's known for his low-pitched and almost monotone voice and his dry. His commentary consists of interspersed with crude humor.

Aside from game commentaries, he occasionally makes humorous dubs over infomercials using his own voice and making fake movie trailers from monologues and footage of games he has played.He has obtained YouTube partnership. However, he makes these videos simply because and any money he makes is donated to various charities. 98 Koshien. (demo version). Barrage. Flash fangame. Bass Masters 2000.

Hero. Charge N' Blast. CIA Operative. College Hoops.

Conflict Desert Storm.: PETA Edition. (Japanese PlayStation 3 version). Erie. Extreme Drive. FOX Sports College Hoops '99. Grass Roots. The Impossible Game.

Insanidade.//Commando Sar. Miami Traffic 3. NEO AQUARIUM. New Super Mario Br0s 3 (an unofficial New Super Mario Bros. Game). Neko Fight.

Oswald the Elephant.: Black Plague. Phobia: The Fear of the Darkness. Punky Skunk. Purin to Ofuro.

Rascal. Rubber Ninjas. Scavenger Hunt. The Sniper 2. Soda Drinker PRO.

Species (not the movie series named ). Supra Mayro Kratt (a shoddy fan-game of Super Mario Kart).

The Theater. Trial version. WinBack.

(demo). Cr1TiKaL: 'Oh. Well, I have shown this ability to over a hundred humans, kangaroos and reptiles but not once have anyone's eyes lit up like that before I've done it. They must be really excited to see this.'

'HQ this is Tango-Echo-Alpha. Animatronics whereabouts unkno- oh wait.

Scratch that. Location of duck has been confimed. Judging by its facial expression it looks like someone shoved a soup ladle up its asshole. Poor thing looks startled.' .: He really likes nipples.: In his Penumbra commentary, he named a he found 'Avagantamos, Eater of Nipples'. In his Happy Wheels commentary, he named his son 'Bloudon'.

'Oborowatibinost, Soccer Player Extraordinaire', from his Grass Roots video. 'Skordil Wabramop', from his Raw Danger series. His Hard Time commentary gave us 'Chef Vortivask.'

. EA Sports UFC gave rise to 'Beef Testosterone'.: His voice over for the trailer.: His voice is quite deep. Even in his earlier videos, where he's apparently 15 or 16 years old, his voice is almost exactly the same as it is now.: In his Earth Defense Force 2025 video while fighting a mob of ants: 'You may have rendered telephones useless, but I can still call your ant queen a bitch!'

. During the House of Caravan speed run war with Mr.Stimich, he had this to say: 'I am the king of House of Caravan. I will play this game until the end of times if that's what it takes to maintain this world record. If the ozone layer dissolves and the world is incinerated by the sun, I will be at my computer playing House of Caravan until the flames consume all, until I have this world record back. I won't stop until I am the true House of Caravan world record holder again.'

.: He really hates cockroaches. (While looking at a cockroach from the perspective of his ) 'I hate those creatures with a passion. There is nothing more disgusting, more vile, more revolting, more useless than a cockroach. Just an absolutely abominable organism. There is just nothing in this world that makes me more angry than the cockroach'., don't ever ask him.: Cr1tikal has no bounds when it comes to what he'll say. Crosses with his comedy most of the time.:.

In his Fridge Locker infomercial: 'You can put (the Fridge Locker) in your fridge, your freezer, your pantry, your asshole.' . In his Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing review he mentions a commercial playing on TV during his game play: 'That (the commercial) is playing while I'm playing Big Rigs while I'm!' . In one of his Oregan Trail commentary, he ran though the list of jobs as such: 'Who do I want to be? A banker from Boston, a carpenter from Ohio, farmer from Illinois, pornographer.'

. There's also one in his Oswald the Elephant video. Chair, check., check.' .: 'What up everybody, this is Cr1tikal. I'm playing (title of the game he is playing) for the (platform of the said game), let's do this shit.' .

And when he ends a video: 'Well that's the end of this video. Remember to rate the video, comment the video, and subscribe if you wanna see videos similar to this one. Technically not a catch phrase but the descriptions of his videos will usually be 'This is the greatest (something related to the game he is playing) of All Time'. He's very fond of saying 'pussyfart' and 'bingo bango'. Also debatable whether this would be called a catch phrase, but he will frequently make references to nipples.

Whenever he's interrupted in the middle of reading something or doing something in general, he's likely to say 'Oh okay, I guess I'll go fuck myself then.' . 'Now we're fucking cooking!' .: A few occasions:. In Rhapsody: Believe in Santa: 'And her father walks in looking like Trip about to kick me out in the Facade game.' . In another video, he says 'I feel like I'm playing Operation: Winback again.'

.: While fighting in Dead Rising 2: 'Serving tray!!' (throws one at Antoine).: Cr1tikal compares clickbait to the programming of the Discovery Channel in a video-long called ',' which is about the misleading marketing leading up to Michael Phelps' race against a computer-generated shark.: Cr1tikal swears very often but there's some moments like his Zoo Tycoon commentary where he lets loose a string of F-bombs at once. Upon hearing the was going to be another match in Animal Soccer World, he lets loose a barrage of swear words.: In his review he finds a crate and starts picking it up and talking to it. He names it: 'Avagantamos: The Eater of Nipples'.: Does this in his commentary when Jack talks about.: He apparently likes toys that squeak, as evidenced in his FNAF 4 video.: One of his primary traits.: During his criticism of the trailer, he dons some heavy-duty Goth apparel including lip gloss and nail polish for a brief joke about 'THE EDGE' of Robin saying 'Fuck Batman', before realizing in the next cut that it doesn't come off that easy and he'll have to finish the video looking like a Hot Topic vampire. 'I just realized she was wearing a cape the whole time. I just defeated a superhero.' .: Between January 9 and 15, Cr1tikal and a viewer, TheMrStimich, got in an upload battle to keep the world record time in a speedrun of the indie game, House of Caravans, after Cr1tikal uploaded the world record of 35 seconds on.

On Jan 14, TheMrStimich uploaded a speedrun of 12.98 seconds. At 2 AM on Jan 15, Cr1tikal got the final world record at 12.81 seconds. Both players had uploaded at least five 'new' world records that would only be beaten within the next few hours. In the words of Cr1tikal. (After learning that the new world record is 12.98 seconds) 'My world record has once again been broken, as has my self-esteem and self worth as a result. But what hasn't been broken is my spirit, my motivation,. Some might say it's impossible to get below 12.9 seconds, but nothing's impossible.'

.: He pinned the blame on a sale sign for murder in the 'A Match Made in Heaven' case in L.A. Noir and then tried run over it with the car, only to.: His description of Mass Effect: Andromeda's OST. 'It sounds like me just banging on the lid of a garbage can with a boomerang, only a lot better made and professionally done so like me banging on the lid of a garbage can with any kind of accessory, really.' .: His earlier videos were completely different in style. The focus was mostly on first-person shooters, and the style of the commentary is far from the 'titties and asscheeks' humor of his later videos.: In his gameplay he not only failed the first jump a bunch of times, but he taunted an enemy not to fall of a ledge, only to fall off the ledge himself as well.: In his Zoo Tycoon commentary, he dropped one as a helicopter took one of his gazelles away. 'This is November India Papa Papa Lima Echo Sierra.' .

In his Cleverbot commentary, he theorizes that the reason '-bot' was colored because it stood for 'bitch on tomatoes'. True Innocence Takes Sacrifice.:. His 'Real' versions of Anthony Sullivan's infomercials. He also redubs the main character of obscure Russian cartoon series.: He uses some in his with the explanation that he started to learn Japanese in order to understand the Japanese games he likes to play. The first phrase he utters though is 'Ima nan-ji desu ka' ( 'what time is it?'

). He also once asks for the enemy's phone number while fighting them in another video.: His insecurity over his short height of 5'6' is a.:.: As Captain Pronin. 'My father looks like a depressed, who dresses like a shitty sailor, and is over four hundred years old. But he wrote the world's best-selling novel, titled, 'I Am Man.' He also wielded a sword at one point, which is incredible. He always resented me because I was born with an erection and a frown. When I was seventeen he taught me how to shoot a gun, hoping I would turn it on myself.

When I was twenty he taught me how to beat milk out of a coconut. When I was thirty he taught me how to read. He wasn't the best father, but I've always looked up to him, because he's over eight feet tall.

(phone rings) Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to answer this phone call. It's probably my father calling to tell me to go fuck myself.' .

Uvritrog also suffers from this as his father apparently pretends to not know him.: While playing Mr. President, he says he likes his presidents the way he likes his porn - saved. Captain Pronin apparently likes his smurfs the way he likes his insurance - fucking him.: Hilariously played with in his 'Theater' commentary, when he was voicing over the poor-quality movie posters in an epic movie trailer voice. Cr1tikal: Sees Mama There you are you son-of-a-bitch, I'm coming for you!

Just whack her over the head with this flashlight! Oh, Mama I'm coming for— gets too close to Mama and gets killed Dammit! I don't know why I ever think in a horror game I'll be able to charge the scary thing, because it's always gonna lead to the game over and the restart thing. It's fuckin' stupid. All horror games are pretty much the same, just a different coat of paint.: In the (corrupted) Hybrid Heaven, he notes that the woman seems to be taking having a horribly-broken ankle like a champ.: In the first Mr. President video.

Cr1tikal: This is Code: Red. The ankle has a booboo.: While playing as the female protagonist in he looks down and pauses for a moment to admire the character's breasts from her POV.: In his Mario Party 7 video: He tells an anecdote about him taking a dump while listening to dramatic orchestral music from a movie soundtrack and he mentions it sounded like he was 'taking a shit to determine the fate of mankind'.:, the and cause him severe motion sickness, to the point where it takes him all his strength to not vomit while playing. 'The movement in this game is actually giving me alcohol poisoning.

I've actually felt better with alcohol poisoning than with the movement system in this game'.: Horror games have no affect on him at all. Although, curiously, he freaked out when he saw a leaf stuck to his wall out of his peripheral vision in his Medal of Honor video, saying it looked like 'a Ninja Turtle was rubbing its dick on my wall'.: As stated elsewhere: Critikal is immune to horror games.

The only thing that he's ever got scared of on camera in a video game was.: Horror games don't bother Cr1tikal at all. The Impossible Game, however, elicits the most emotion we've ever seen out of Critikal. Namely anger. One of his earliest emotional responses was when he was playing Medal of Honor, where he ends up freaking out because he saw a leaf on his window and thought it was a turtle. His 'out of character' videos show him being as being very genuine and emotive. In these cases he sounds very happy. He ended up getting a few jokes cracked his way after an incident, resulting in blind, disgust-induced panic and screaming.: During a video allegedly intended to teach people how to play Modern Warfare 2 better, he plays VERY badly on purpose.

Other videos have shown him to be a rather competent player.: From the 'Happy Wheels' commentary. 'All right, I know what I must do - (flings his son Bloudon off the bike) I must murder my own son! You brought this on yourself. (runs over Bloudon with the bike).: A recurring element in games he corrupts.

Character models deform when they shouldn't, which often leads to the game crashing.: Every video has the description, 'This is the greatest X of all time', where X is something having to do with the video. In his video about the forced integration of and Google+, it said, ' Google+'. After was pronounced dead, Charlie called out on Twitter (where he mainly makes his typical sarcastic jokes) Etika's toxic fanbase for their role in Etika's mental deterioration.: In 2010 he started a video series called 'Cr1tikal Vs.' As an attempt to be more interactive with his fans. The series was supposed to be videos of him fighting video game bosses based on his fans' requests. He only made two episodes.

A FAQ video states that he abandoned the series. The BuzzFeed clone HotFeed, which was made by Cr1tikal and his friends, existed for all of 3 - 4 months before it was stopped being updated.

Its Twitter and Facebook account lay dormant nowadays and the domain itself was taken off the servers.: In his video, he breaks his and actually laughs.: At one point while playing, he gets bored and goes into a very long, very graphically detailed story about the time he tried to receive oral sex while he had to take a piss.: In his Minecraft commentary as the tried to hunt a duck: 'Grab!.: During the fight with the Woodsman in. Cr1tikal!Pronin: Ugh, what the fuck have you brought into my office? Gentlemen, this is one of the ugliest creatures I've ever laid my eyes on.

I'm downright disrespected you brought this shriveled-up Smurf boogeyman before me. Sir, when you speak, all I hear is You are a poor excuse for a sentient being. Leave my office. He sometimes dishes these out on occasions when something (in real life, not in a game) pisses him off, and they're epic to behold.: He oftentimes makes jokes about any media he watches in his LPs.: Describes himself as this in this when answering questions in his one million subscriber video.: He and his girlfriend once took a road trip to Pennsylvania and back due to Charlie's deathly fear of flying.: In one video commentary where he did gameplay of various games, he said 'Let's do this shit!' Three times at the start of the video.

See it.:. His tendency to make references to nipples and wieners, for starters. In his most recent videos, he often says 'pussyfart'. Captain Pronin being unable to understand Russian. Understandable, if it wasn't entirely in Russian.: Around the end of one of his The Oregon Trails videos: 'I don't beat Oregon Trails, Oregon Trails beats me!' .: He progressively became more and more prone to laughing as the years go by, eventually culminating.: Claims to be one in real life in his 'Holy Shit' video.: His videos are definitely not for young kids.

He seems especially fond of references to certain anatomical parts.: Well, sound. Due to his love of all things titty and nipples, one might assume lacks in basic or advanced knowledge — he doesn't.

In his playthrough, he notes 'CHAN E - that's the Chinese goddess of the moon, don't know why that's an option.' Turns out that Chang'e actually is the name of the Chinese goddess of the moon. In his Classroom Aquatic commentary, it's implied that he has substantial knowledge of anatomy and physiology. He later even stated that he majored in human anatomy and in college. He also demonstrates retaining knowledge of mathematics in the same video. In his Among the Sleep commentary, he makes a passing reference to.

In his Safety Driving commentary, he noted the developers spelled ' wrong. Note They spelled it with an 'f' instead of a 'ph.' . He also has a few videos on basic Biology, covering Prions and Carbohydrates.

He's refreshingly realistic and well-informed on the matters of web ad-based revenue, far more so than most of his fellow Youtubers. One of the reasons he donates his Youtube money to charity, in his own words, is that he doesn't want to become dependent on a source of income that can so easily drain away, preferring instead to see Youtube purely as something he does for fun in his spare time while pursuing a normal career (he started making videos while he was still in college, and has graduated by now). Cr1tikal: 'You are not a person, you are an ass.' Cleverbot: 'You are the robot.' .: Delivered one in his Dead Space 3 commentary during the cut-scene where Danik ambushes Issac and his allies. At the end of his 'Mighty Thirsty' dub: 'Get thirsty, bitch!'

. In 'Various Games Gameplay and Commentary': 'You'll think twice before being a computer next time, bitch!' . He done this three times in his Dead Rising 2 commentary. While stopping one of the opponents from passing him in Snowboard Kids 64: 'Yeah, froze your ass again, bitch!' . In his Phobia commentary: 'Sneak attack, BIIIIIIIIITCH!'

. At one point while trying to jump over a fence in the video game for the Atari 2600: 'Alright here we go, Olympic hurdle, bitch!' .

In the Wrestling MPire commentary: 'Manufacture me as a keyboard, and I'll only have one key - the control key, bitch!' . Delivered one while fighting off in Earth Defense Force 2025.: Parodied in cases such as 'Do you have a drawer full of sharp knives, but prefer to cut your bread with a doorstop?' .: Critikal is legendary for being online, so when something really, legitimately pisses him off to make a non-joking, non-comedic video, Critikal's anger is cool enough to freeze a volcano.: Whenever he's playing horror games.: His deep baritone doesn't match how young he looks.: Full stop.: One night, he got completely shit-pissed, went home and started a livestream with one of his friends (without actually knowing the practicalities of streaming).